My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize