Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
