Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
