so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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