i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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