I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
