look no pants
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
