you traded sex for a burrito?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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