you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
