nut hugger
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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