u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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