There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
