I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
