just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
