too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
