Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
