Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
