I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
