one might say we're banned from that church
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
