She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
