so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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