I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
