Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
