i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
