i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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