Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
