we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
