he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
