you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize