Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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