trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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