It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
