so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
don't judge my taste in strippers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
