these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
