We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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