the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
