gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
