whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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