Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
