how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
pray to the hookup gods
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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