I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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