she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You work out of a Hotel?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
