Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
