wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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