big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
