i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
