hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
