So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
