either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
