im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
