i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
