booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found puke in my bra..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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