So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
