I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
