Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
