You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
