Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
