my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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