Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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