Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize