i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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