Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
