You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
