I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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