That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
