I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
