some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
