i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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