My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
