yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
