Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
