Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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