this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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