I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
