franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
