Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
