Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
