he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
