uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
