I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
