Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
