I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pants are for mortals
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
