I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
