Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your cock deserves a montage
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
