I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
whose ass print is on the piano?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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