yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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