How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
