It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
