oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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