Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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