Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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