dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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