I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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