If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
