but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
