btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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