You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
