you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Terrible idea I love it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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