Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize