My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize