I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
bring money and cleavage
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
