Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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