My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
