Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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