everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
