oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
