update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
