I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
